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Return of Spaiku.

I've kind of fallen off the haiku horse in the whirl of the past couple of weeks, but I'm ready to wrangle it again. I'll return to the "Fool for Love" series sometime in the next few days, but I never seemed to have the right notebook with me at SC3 to continue work on them. I kept coming across an old grocery list notebook with some lines scrawled in it that have been stubbornly refusing to coalesce into haiku for many weeks. Every time I pawed through my Curious George backpack, they mocked me, so I tinkered vengefully with them between sessions. From "Triangle," BtVS, S5. Spike whales on a mannequin. PG.
--

I.
Penitent vampire
offers chocolates and chagrin
to blonde effigy.


II.
Amends gone awry:
completely loses his shit
with slapstick fury.


III.
Pale, trembling fingers
fuss with assaulted bonbons.
Third time's the charm, mate.

Comments

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cindergal
Jun. 12th, 2008 06:56 pm (UTC)
Ah yes, the poor bonbons. And poor Spikey. :-)
mere_ubu
Jun. 13th, 2008 03:51 am (UTC)
*sigh* He just can't quite get it right, can he?

Thanks for reading. :)
powerofthebook
Jun. 12th, 2008 07:04 pm (UTC)
Oh, awesome! This is one of my favorite episodes from S5. And "slapstick fury" - perfect phrase.
mere_ubu
Jun. 13th, 2008 03:53 am (UTC)
Thank you! I love it too, and since it's one of the few episodes that a third grader can watch, I've seen it a lot. The apology-with-chocolates scene kills me every time.
beanbeans
Jun. 12th, 2008 07:18 pm (UTC)
Brilliant, my dear. "Chocolates and chagrin"- I love this line. And the last line of III? Is perfect. I can hear his huge exhale as he gets himself back under control, and then see him trying yet again as he mutters that under his breath. Oh, Spike.

I really love when you share your haikus. They're sunbeams in my day.
mere_ubu
Jun. 13th, 2008 04:02 am (UTC)
Thank you, beans! I dunno how Big Bad would feel about it, but I'm delighted to be a source of sunbeams. *smooshes you* Sweet thing.

Ha! I tried so hard to actually work a sigh into III, but it just wouldn't go. I'm tickled to hear that it was somehow implied. I always feel so sorry for him when he's clumsily poking the little chocolate papers back into the box. Tragic!

Edited at 2008-06-13 04:02 am (UTC)
jamalov29
Jun. 12th, 2008 07:33 pm (UTC)
Those are superb. The first one is my favourite..feels like an arrow in my flesh - and slapstick fury is perfectly evocative..
but the third made me cry.
Thank you so much for these little gems.
mere_ubu
Jun. 13th, 2008 04:12 am (UTC)
Thank you for your perfectly evocative feedback! You have such a lovely way of saying things. I'm so pleased that these spoke to you. I've had the phrases "chocolates and chagrin" and "amends gone awry" floating around in my purse surrounded by other words that were being completely uncooperative, and I'm just happy to have finally found a haiku home for them. Poor Spike! He tries so hard.

Edited at 2008-06-13 04:13 am (UTC)
petzipellepingo
Jun. 12th, 2008 08:02 pm (UTC)
Pale, trembling fingers
fuss with assaulted bonbons.


Ah yes, those poor chocolates that Spike and Dawn ended up eating on the floor of the Magic Box.
I've missed these little gems, welcome back.
mere_ubu
Jun. 13th, 2008 04:21 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad that my haiku hiatus is over.

Hee! I don't think I noticed that they were eating the battered chocolates until I'd seen that episode a time or two. That candy had a rough ride.
ladyaelfwynn
Jun. 12th, 2008 08:10 pm (UTC)
You and your spaiku ensure that this icon in always in rotation! ;-p

You paint such clear images with your words. I haven't seen that episode in ages but I can envision exactly what is happening because you've picked the perfect words.

Can't wait for more FfL!
mere_ubu
Jun. 13th, 2008 04:27 am (UTC)
Ah, good! That's one of my ongoing spaiku goals. :D

Thank you so much. I love that scene, and I've been frustrated at my inability to nail it. I'm thrilled that these worked for you.

I'm hoping to have some more after the weekend. I'm loving the increased family togetherness of summertime, but it's hell on the haiku production!
herself_nyc
Jun. 12th, 2008 08:48 pm (UTC)
Marvelous, especially the last one, and that last line.
mere_ubu
Jun. 13th, 2008 04:38 am (UTC)
Thank you. I'm so pleased that you enjoyed them (and that I finally finished the little devils!)

P.S. B. has been reading "Let's Get Lost" for the last couple of days and finished it this afternoon because he was home sick with a sore throat and laryngitis. When I asked him how it was, he managed one sad little meeping sound, made a verklempt hand-waving gesture near his eyes while sniffling, and then mimed ripping his heart out and stomping on it. I replied, "Ahh. The Herself Special!" ;)
(no subject) - herself_nyc - Jun. 13th, 2008 01:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
adriana_is
Jun. 12th, 2008 09:41 pm (UTC)
Welcome back, Missy!! I saw your previous post with the pretty pictures! (offers you coffee), you're such a delight.

These are wonderful. Brought back to mind the poor mannequin getting a beat down and wasn't there a "you bloody bitch!" in there too?

:)

mere_ubu
Jun. 13th, 2008 04:47 am (UTC)
Ooh, gimme. Midnight be damned! ;)

Thank you, sweetie! And yes, there is. He gives that mannequin a hard time! That scene undoes me every time I see it. Poor Spike is just not quite ready for prime time in the sensitive guy department.

philips
Jun. 12th, 2008 11:05 pm (UTC)
You're amazing. I now want to open an emo tea salon and call it Chocolat and Chagrin. I'd serve all kinds of truffles, play only cello concertos, and there would be spontaneous Spaiku readings (these would confuse and then charm the customers - destabilized, they would order more truffles).

I'm torn between "completely loses his shit" and "completely loses his shit" for my favorite line. Hmmm.

(actually, it's Pale, trembling fingers)
mere_ubu
Jun. 13th, 2008 05:06 am (UTC)
Bwah! Starbucks can take their veggie pesto platter and stuff it. You'll crush them! *holds up "Will Work for Truffles" sign* Can I help?

For reasons that probably only my PMS can fathom, I'd been agonizing over "completely loses his shit" all morning and kept trying to come up with alternatives even though it was my favorite by far. I didn't stop fretting about it (or badgering poor sick B. with said alternatives) until I read your comment, and then I laughed and pogoed around the kitchen in the dance of vindication. Thank you for making an unstable woman very happy.

Sad, nervous vamp. He must be more careful with his strong arms! It breaks my heart to watch him fumble around with that crushed box. And then I cackle.

ETA that I changed #1 b/c "preempts rejection" was driving me batshit. Still look okay? *grumbles* Stoopid insomnia.

Edited at 2008-06-13 10:58 am (UTC)
gillo
Jun. 12th, 2008 11:17 pm (UTC)
Poor Spike. You got the mixture of pathos and comedy beautifully - I love the switching from "high poetic" to highly colloquial diction. It suits him perfectly.
mere_ubu
Jun. 13th, 2008 05:23 am (UTC)
Wow, thank you! This particular batch has been giving me fits for weeks, and I'm delighted that you enjoyed them. I love that scene, and the way he lurches from apology to rage to remorse just kills me every time. Poor guy's gotta go through a mannequin and a robot before he's even remotely ready to deal with a live girl!

*giggles at your icon*
louise39
Jun. 13th, 2008 12:18 am (UTC)
Wonderful as usual and opening a word picture of Spike struggling to do 'the right thing' - offer a sort of apology.
Penitent vampire
offers chocolates and chagrin—

mere_ubu
Jun. 13th, 2008 05:27 am (UTC)
Thank you, ma'am! Poor dear. His reach exceeds his grasp, doesn't it?

Glad you enjoyed these. :D
missus_grace
Jun. 13th, 2008 03:29 pm (UTC)
Well done! Myfavorite line: completely loses his shit

Never seen that in a haiku before :)
mere_ubu
Jun. 14th, 2008 04:29 pm (UTC)
*lol* Y'know, I tried to find an alternate line to go there, but I kept coming back to that one, so I just went with it. The way he just snaps and launches himself at the mannequin gets me every time.

Thank you. :D

Edited at 2008-06-14 04:48 pm (UTC)
diachrony
Jun. 13th, 2008 04:29 pm (UTC)
Yay! Very nice. Somehow I'm especially fond of the phrase "assaulted bonbons."
mere_ubu
Jun. 14th, 2008 04:34 pm (UTC)
Haa! Bless you. I was trying to go for a play on the idea of "assorted bonbons," but I think I was overreaching. (It was either that or "fidget with tortured truffles." *facepalm*)

Hmm. For some reason, I really want some chocolate now. . .
zanthinegirl
Jun. 13th, 2008 10:58 pm (UTC)
Bwaa-haa-haa!
mere_ubu
Jun. 14th, 2008 04:36 pm (UTC)
*bows*

Thank you, m'dear. ;)
(Anonymous)
Jun. 14th, 2008 09:33 am (UTC)
Snorfl
I HAVE to go re-watch the episode now. Hey, it's research, right. Right? Glad your muse whispered in your ear...
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