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"Fool for Love" Spaiku, Part 6: Temptation

You know how I said there was only one more batch of William haiku to go? As I feared, a Brownie drop-out's honor is, indeed, not good for much. Every time I think I have a scene down to irreducible parts, it shivers into ever smaller pieces. Darn JM and his multilayered performance! Darn him to heck! Honest and for true, though, this is the next-to-last-one. Yep. Many thanks to Mister Beta for long-distance concrit and to philips for emergency haiku rescue. BtVS, S5. PG. Previous parts here.
--

I.
Not a pickpocket—
what need has she of a purse?
She can have his soul.


II.
“I see what you want.”
How? Trembles as she draws close . . .
drops the magic word.


III.
Cool caress inflames.
Desire blooms like blood in snow,
a creeping red stain.


IV.
“Do you want it?” Yes.
Not sure what she’s offering;
dying to find out.

 (part 7: damnation)

Comments

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petzipellepingo
Jul. 24th, 2008 09:44 pm (UTC)
“Do you want it?” Yes.
Not sure what she’s offering;
dying to find out.


Yes, dying being the operative word. Poor William, such an innocent little lamb.
mere_ubu
Jul. 25th, 2008 05:32 am (UTC)
I was, for reasons that now escape me, willfully avoiding using the word "dying" and then I thought, "Well, duh! Of course he is!" William breaks my heart.

Thanks for reading, ma'am. :)
philips
Jul. 24th, 2008 09:58 pm (UTC)
I love that you dig deeper and deeper.

“Do you want it?” Yes.
Not sure what she’s offering;
dying to find out.


Which has me wondering what would have happened if the answer had been no. Reading this brings back that strange softness in her voice. You alway make these scenes come so alive.

Cool caress inflames.
Desire blooms like blood in snow,
a creeping red stain.


Can I say again how beautiful this is?
mere_ubu
Jul. 25th, 2008 05:35 am (UTC)
I love that you love that!

Although it pains me to say so, I think that if he had said, "No," Drusilla would have had herself a nice little snack and been on her way. After all, she really is just kind of fickle.

Thank you so much. And thank you for helping me go with that one! It was the one I initially wanted but I really needed to bounce it off someone wise first. (The line between Spaiku and Bloody Awful Haiku is perilously thin.)
diachrony
Jul. 24th, 2008 10:09 pm (UTC)
Just gorgeous.
mere_ubu
Jul. 25th, 2008 05:36 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you! <333
louise39
Jul. 24th, 2008 10:37 pm (UTC)
Desire blooms like blood in snow

Both of them had desires. Neither worked out exactly as wanted.

Lovely and well worked. As always.
mere_ubu
Jul. 25th, 2008 05:39 am (UTC)
Neither worked out exactly as wanted.

*nods* I think they're both lost souls (well, not literally--heh) looking for something more. Instead they get 120 years of co-dependence!
herself_nyc
Jul. 24th, 2008 11:47 pm (UTC)
A triumph! These are gorgeous.
But now I want to see the ones that got away, too ….
mere_ubu
Jul. 25th, 2008 05:43 am (UTC)
*squee* Thank you so much!

Believe me, you don't want to see all of them. There were a few things I had to jettison that will definitely end up somewhere else.
zanthinegirl
Jul. 24th, 2008 11:51 pm (UTC)
what need has she of a purse?
She can have his soul.


I always love these, but that one passage is really moving!

Yeah, Damn that JM and his multi-layered performance. Damn him!

:D You can probably get some more out of the China story, not to mention the mines!
mere_ubu
Jul. 25th, 2008 05:47 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm so glad that one worked for you--I wasn't sure if it really fit here, but I didn't want to give it up.

Hee! If he'd just stick to the script and not worry so much about putting all that acting in there, I wouldn't be in this predicament. I want to get back to Spike already, dagnabbit!
beloved_77
Jul. 25th, 2008 12:30 am (UTC)
“Do you want it?” Yes.
Not sure what she’s offering;
dying to find out.


Hehehehe. I love wordplay :-)
mere_ubu
Jul. 25th, 2008 05:49 am (UTC)
Thanks, sweetie! I was unable to resist that one.

*points to your icon* That is most excellent.
goldenusagi
Jul. 25th, 2008 12:33 am (UTC)
I love number IV. He really didn't look like he knew what she was offering, but he didn't care...
mere_ubu
Jul. 25th, 2008 05:51 am (UTC)
Aw, thank you! His acceptance at that moment surprises me every time I see it--he looks a little uncertain, but he's sure not gonna fight it.
ladyaelfwynn
Jul. 25th, 2008 01:29 am (UTC)
**sigh** **swoon**

I do so enjoy your spaiku!

“I see what you want.”</>
How? Trembles as she draws close . . .
drops the magic word.


All he wanted was someone to understand him...

Poor William...
mere_ubu
Jul. 25th, 2008 05:56 am (UTC)
Oh! Swoon-worthiness! Thank you, Lady.

It's so sad; I don't think he'd deny her anything after she goes to the trouble to rummage around in his mind and find out what he wants. Certainly no one's ever bothered to do that before.
drop_edge
Jul. 25th, 2008 02:40 am (UTC)
These are breathtaking.
mere_ubu
Jul. 25th, 2008 06:00 am (UTC)
Wow! Thanks, B! Yesterday I managed to snap a pen in half while working on them, and many a dish has gone unwashed. Lordy. I'm glad that they worked for you.

P.S. A friend has offered to mail me his Capt. Tightpants/Hammer doll. Hell to the yeah!
stars_of_tears
Jul. 25th, 2008 05:28 am (UTC)
"dying to find out"

perfect! How I love these haikus... saying so much in such few words! :)
mere_ubu
Jul. 25th, 2008 06:02 am (UTC)
Aw, thank you for your kind words. I'm so glad you enjoyed these. :D
missus_grace
Jul. 25th, 2008 06:13 am (UTC)
Brilliant! I love these...
mere_ubu
Jul. 25th, 2008 03:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I love your feedback. ;)
(Deleted comment)
mere_ubu
Jul. 25th, 2008 03:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! *eats up feedback with a spoon*

Poor William doesn't exactly give informed consent. But, I guess it's consent all the same. . .
jamalov29
Jul. 25th, 2008 10:03 am (UTC)
“Every time I think I have a scene down to irreducible parts, it shivers into ever smaller pieces.”
It’s great news. :) I’m not surprised that you think so..Btvs is a never ending inspiration, and the sparkling treasure is James ‘ talent which gave Spike all his richness.

Desire blooms like blood in snow,
a creeping red stain.
Is my favourite line.
You brilliantly captured the feeling of waiting something exhilarating and deadly .
Really another beautiful imagery with this new haïku.
mere_ubu
Jul. 25th, 2008 03:58 pm (UTC)
Yes! So much talent, darn it! :P His whole performance in FFL is a wonder. The actor in me watches and marvels at how much nuance he packs into the tiniest gesture.

I'm thrilled that you like that line, and I'm grateful that philips picked it out of the possible alternatives and told me to go with it! (Perspective is a problem sometimes.)

Thank you for your wonderful feedback, dear!
molly_may
Jul. 25th, 2008 01:18 pm (UTC)
She can have his soul.

dying to find out.


Indeed. Poor William, thinking in metaphors just when things are getting literal.
mere_ubu
Jul. 25th, 2008 04:00 pm (UTC)
Bless his flowery little heart. He has no idea what he's signing up for!

Thanks for reading, ma'am. :)
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