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Mon Dieu! It's Philips' birthday!

Today is the birthday of the lovely, fantabulous philips . I'm not sure that I have adequate words to describe my delight and surprise at discovering that not only do I have an evil twin, but she's a) four years older than me and b) French! I don't know exactly how that works, but I'll certainly take it. I've spent more time cackling in the past few months than I have in the past couple of years. No one has ever made me the head of my own publishing empire before or taken the trouble to write slanderous fic about me. Also, I'm pretty sure that there's not another person on the planet who would have encouraged me to document the relative endowments of my Spike and Angel dolls. And so, it's fitting that I honor Philips' birthday in the only way I can since she turned me away from the light: by torturing inanimate objects a fraction of my own size.

With my goal firmly in mind, I set out to do a doll photo shoot that would tie in with her diabolically hilarious Spuffy fic, The Caseus Prize. (If you haven't read it yet, go read it now! It's okay, I'll wait for you. How can you resist a tale of cheese voodoo that makes Spike do things that would mortify even a dead man? Priceless!) And so, dear Philips, I offer an homage, of sorts. With fromage, of sorts. (Chevrot it ain't, bébé.)

I have to confess that I was a little surprised at Spike's cooperativeness, but Buffy tends to have a calming effect on him. (When she's not patrolling with Ents, anyway.) Aren't they cute? Cheese and canoodling. What's going to be wrong with that?

Aw, crap. Well, that didn't take long! *cringe* I fear that the memory of his cheese fic humiliation may still be a little too close for doll!Spike to see the funny in it. I'd better intervene, because I know that his next step in this sort of situation usually involves fleeing to the spice cupboard. (I just brought back a big bottle of double-strength vanilla extract from the Penzey's in Des Moines, and if he finds it, we'll be into a whole waiting-to-sober-up scenario before we can get back on track.)

Sometimes, one has to take a firm hand with one's dolls. I wonder if Drusilla ever had these kinds of problems with Miss Edith?

Okay, he's definitely not climbing down off la Tour Eiffel for me. I'm so relieved that doll!Buffy's been feeling a little perkier lately, because her Spike-wrangling skills are invaluable in a crisis. Thanks for the diversion, my little plastic Amazon!

Slayer or no Slayer, though, it was high time for doll!Spike and I to come to an understanding about my expectations regarding his behavior for the remainder of the photo shoot. It never hurts to remind him that a) no good can come of doll disobedience and b) there are other tokens he can offer Philips for her birthday (fabulous accessories, perhaps?) if he's unwilling to help me make the pretty pictures.

Once I was certain that doll!Spike was understanding me, we returned to the set. Let the birthday vampstravaganza begin!

*wails* You people wouldn't believe the amounts of ego I have to endure. Is it too much to ask for a smidgen of cooperation in making a beautiful birthday greeting for my friend? I have a reputation to think about, too, you heartless little plastic menace! *breaks down sobbing*

Once properly shamed, l'il Big Bad finally got with the program and pitched in. Thank god he's such a sucker for a woman's tears!

You know, he'd be a pretty decent stylist if he could give that mouth of his a break for five freaking seconds. Look what nice work he's done here!

It's Battle of the Bulge, Birthday Edition! *facepalm* I honestly don't think that they can be within a mile of each other and not regress at least a century.

I'm sorry, Philips. There was supposed to be more, but things were getting ugly and I figured it was time to clean up the talent before he turned on me. (Again. I'm going to be wearing that Band-Aid for a week!) You wouldn't believe the harassment I had to tolerate on this set--all the entendre and talk of "blowing bubbles."
Sickening doll sexism, that's what it is!

Oh dear lord!  I just had a disturbing epiphany about this shot: it's the end of "Showtime"--with cheese! Does this make me the Ubervamp or the First? What have I done to my poor dolls? I swear, I'm going to seek treatment. Tomorrow. Well, soon, anyway. Soonish . . .

Aww, look at that. I came back from cleaning up the bubble bath, and they don't look so traumatized to me. I guess there's something about that old cheese magic, after all. I'm going to give these two lovebirds the night off. *tiptoes away*

Joyeux anniversaire, honey!! \\0// Thank you for your kindness and your wickedness and for making me laugh until I make honking noises. May the upcoming year bring you joy and more of the good things. *big birthday hug* And maybe a chance to not play with dolls alone.  ;)

In an attempt to sorely test your hypothesis that there can never be too much doll!fic, I offer a slideshow of birthday photo shoot outtakes here, and the whole sordid gallery of wrongness here. I also have a knife and fork ready in case you decide you want to eat those words.

Oh! And how could I forget? Shout out from M. Mere who ran the second doll photography unit and wishes you a big ol' happy birthday to boot. :D


( 46 dropped by — come on in )
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Jul. 9th, 2008 06:42 pm (UTC)
Mon Dieu! I probably shouldn't have eaten that cannoli before looking at this... "staggers off to dial 911"...
Jul. 9th, 2008 09:54 pm (UTC)
Oh noes! *revives you* No choking, Petzi! There have already been enough casualties in the name of doll!torture! ;)
Jul. 9th, 2008 07:08 pm (UTC)

My most favorite kind of posts from you! Poor traumatized 'never mooing again' Spike!

So good to see that Buffy is indeed feeling a lot perkier than last time and LOLZ for Angel arms holding candle and Happy Birthday sign!

Jul. 9th, 2008 09:58 pm (UTC)
*cackles* Thank you, sweetie. I had an amount of fun while making this that may well have exceeded legal limits. I'm high on teh doll!fic, Ociffer Officer!
Jul. 9th, 2008 08:06 pm (UTC)
OMG! Best birthday ever! You genius, you!!!!
*explodes in joy* Seriously, there are millions of philips' particles floating through the air!

MERE! The awesomeness! I can't even find the words. I've been scrolling up and down hysterically laughing. I'm going to have a hard time doing anything else tonight because I love this so much. And the last pic had me awwing like mad. How can two handfuls of plastic be so very romantic? Spufftastic!

Between the cheese and those gorgeous cupcakes (and those arms are really getting a workout - so versatile!), this is one of your tastiest doll sets. Can't believe you did all this for me. *massive hugs*

I'll see her in hell before I moo again!"

HAHAHAHAHA. Have you flaunted your arm torture earrings outside the house? Has anyone done a double take and turned away in fear?

*makes a wish and blows out candles*

If I smile any wider, I'll pop my ears off. *eagerly scrolls up again*
Jul. 9th, 2008 08:33 pm (UTC)
Happy Birthday, you!!!
Bwahahahaa! *huge hugs* I'm so glad that you liked it and that you're not backing slowly away towards the door. I had so much fun doing this. I think this may be what happens to theatre folk when they're deprived of a stage.

I was astounded at how cute the little Spike and Buffy dolls were together. I guess I always just figured that Buffy was too anemic to even attempt it, but they were adorable. I took a stupid number of pictures of them snuggling in the birthday carnage.

Sadly, I had to dismantle the earrings (armrings?) so that I could stick them in the cupcake. They're kinda' heavy, but I could see wearing them, oh, pretty much anywhere. I confess a terrible weakness for the novelty earring. *prepares to catch your ears and turn them into earrings* Hold up. That's kind of gross, even for me. Let's try: *prepares to catch your ears and pop them back into place* Better?

Hope you're having a wonderful day, darling.

Edited at 2008-07-09 08:34 pm (UTC)
Wonderful day thanks to you guys! - philips - Jul. 9th, 2008 08:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Wonderful day thanks to you guys! - mere_ubu - Jul. 9th, 2008 09:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
I'm,not here. You never saw me. - philips - Jul. 11th, 2008 03:34 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: I'm,not here. You never saw me. - mere_ubu - Jul. 11th, 2008 03:53 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 9th, 2008 08:31 pm (UTC)
ROFL! I love your doll!fic posts! Spike is so disobedient! I have a kitty cat who would be more than willing to bat him into submission. :)

Love the pic with Angel's arms sticking out of the cake! I didn't notice it at first; I was just all, "Aww, it's poor, armless Angel." And then I took a closer look and saw the arms! lol
Jul. 9th, 2008 10:03 pm (UTC)
Hahaa! Thanks, darlin. I love doing these. Poor Angel! I feel bad for him, but I couldn't not do that with the arms. A lot of those turned out blurry b/c I couldn't stop laughing.

*whispers* I left Spike alone for, like, two minutes on the Eiffel Tower lamp, and one of the kitties nibbled his little fingers. I'm a bad doll mom!
Jul. 9th, 2008 08:47 pm (UTC)
I'm in tears! You decide what kind!

And your earrings have me wowed. Are those ANGEL's arms?????
Jul. 9th, 2008 08:57 pm (UTC)
Armmings for everyone!
ROFL. I almost died when I noticed them the other night. I thought they were crab claws at first!
Re: Armmings for everyone! - herself_nyc - Jul. 9th, 2008 09:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mere_ubu - Jul. 9th, 2008 09:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - herself_nyc - Jul. 9th, 2008 09:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 9th, 2008 10:26 pm (UTC)
Heeeee these are fantastic, and poor Angel's arms do make good earrings. ;P
Jul. 11th, 2008 02:36 am (UTC)
Aw, thank you. I had a blast putting this together. What I sadly lack in the mad photography skilz that some godlike people have, I try to make up for in bad taste.

BTW, I blasted my FOTC CD for most of the photo shoot, and for a while there, "Foux du Fafa" was playing on a loop. Thank you for wearing down my resistance with your fabulous icons. :D
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 11th, 2008 02:40 am (UTC)
Hahaa! *hugs* Thank you, sweetie. Glad I could make you honk! I'm actually a little hoarse from cackling so much yesterday.

I lurrrve your b-day fic! I know you're not so much with the Spuffy-ing, but you did a verra nice job. ;)
Jul. 9th, 2008 11:45 pm (UTC)
Fabulous and inspired fun. Lucky you to have such a willing helper, too.

[The champagne bath was my favorite part. Well, maybe the spuffy closeup.]
Jul. 11th, 2008 02:42 am (UTC)
Aw, thank you! The mister had a couple of days off and was willing to help, so I put him to work. I don't know if it's because we're both hammy lastborns or what, but we dearly love to amuse people if we get the chance.
Jul. 10th, 2008 01:38 am (UTC)
This is purely delightful awesomeness. You Evil Genius, you!

I am surprised at how cute the Anemic!Buffy doll looks cuddling with Spike! They are so awww-dorable.
Jul. 11th, 2008 02:46 am (UTC)
Mwahahahaa! *coughs* I gotta' work on that Evil Genius cackle.

Thank you, sweetie! I had a big time working on this and it just kind of spiraled out of control. Like eeevil! *cackles* Nope, still not working. Darn!

Me too! I had no idea that Anemic!Buffy could bring the schmoop like that. Maybe the hobbits have been giving her tips. ;)
Jul. 10th, 2008 01:52 am (UTC)
ROFLMAO! Your doll!fics are freaking priceless. Love the lit candle penis. "L'il Big Bad" :hehehe: "Crazy bitches" :hahaha: Champagne bubble bath :snort: "Take me alive" :snortsnort: Hillarious.
Jul. 11th, 2008 02:49 am (UTC)
Hee! Thank you, m'dear. I swear, little doll!Spike is so expressive that the stuff just writes itself! It's like he was just put on this earth to pop out of cakes and make lewd suggestions. :D
Jul. 10th, 2008 02:44 am (UTC)
Hee, hee, hee! Oh, poor, armless Angel. His arms look good on you. :-)
Jul. 11th, 2008 02:53 am (UTC)
Ah, thank you verra much. I predict that everyone will be wearing them in Milan this fall. ;)

Once I thought of it, I couldn't not do it. That poor little doll always looks so disapproving that it just goads me into doing ever more humiliating things to him. *iz evil*

Jul. 10th, 2008 06:49 am (UTC)
ROFL. It's brilliant ! And delightful and so hilarious.:D
Certainly the best kind of birthday wishes to receive.
You cracked me up all along but the first image with Spike and Buffy sitting on the French cheese : La Vache qui Rit,Babybel,Boursin.. Oh my God ! Priceless.
You had me all gleeful to start the day.Thank you, sweetie.:)
Jul. 11th, 2008 02:58 am (UTC)
Re: Yay!
*claps hands and giggles* Aw, thank you, honey! I'm always happy to amuse. I mean no harm towards my Gallic friends--only mischief. ;)

It turns out that philips and I have the same Eiffel Tower lamp. Hee!

Edited at 2008-07-11 04:00 am (UTC)
Jul. 10th, 2008 12:03 pm (UTC)
Oh good heavens. Angelarms earrings! You are so very evil. That must be why I love you!

Lovely - what girl wouldn't be delighted by such a birthday greeting?
Jul. 11th, 2008 03:04 am (UTC)
Aww, thanks, dear. Mwah!

*snickers* This is what happens when one's dreams of a life in the theatre are sidetracked and one falls in with a rough crowd. The mister insisted on holding up mirrors so that there would be adequate side-lighting, and my directorial impulses were questioned more than once.

I'm thinking about turning Angel's pork pie hat and binoculars into earrings as well. They don't fit him anyway and I hate to see good props go to waste!

Edited at 2008-07-11 03:05 am (UTC)
Jul. 11th, 2008 10:41 am (UTC)
That's too silly for words, but I wanted to join in the celebration of the Caseus Prize. Loved the earrings shot, but your ducky background is a little off subject...
Jul. 11th, 2008 02:05 pm (UTC)
*lol* I can't write fic, and I'm no good at drawing (like some very talented people), and so I resort to abusing dolls for birthday greetings.

Yes, the duckies probably failed to convey the menace I was aiming for. I guess I was hoping that they might remind Spike of his incarceration in Giles' bathroom. ;)
Jul. 12th, 2008 05:51 am (UTC)
Hi, mere_ubu! I got here by way of petz's link:
and fairly shrieked with delight: a fellow doll molester admirer! LMAO, I love your arm earrings, and what hilarious props!

Aren't the BtVS/AtS action figures fun? I've put mine through much torture also:
socky's Fiddley Bits Theater

Here's to our toys! :D
Jul. 13th, 2008 10:39 pm (UTC)
Bwahahaaa! Let us link arms in solidarity! \0/

ZOMG, thank you for commenting! I've always wondered, "Huh. Why does petzi call it Fiddley Bits Theater?" Now I will wonder no more. I will laugh! The Marti Noxon Incident made me cackle until I wheezed, and I really don't have any words for Xander in his assless chaps and Lorne playing "Mystery Date." Priceless!

I'd wear those earrings all the time if they were just a tad bit lighter. I'm totally turning Hawaiian Shirt Angel's pork pie hat and binoculars into earrings, though, because what's he going to do with them anyway? Dude's a doll!

All of mine are here if you ever need a doll!fic fix: http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=mere_ubu&keyword=doll%21fic&filter=all

I've done a little bit of Lord of the Rings crossover with devastating results for both doll communities. *snicker* Now they're occupying opposite sides of the cardboard castle.
(no subject) - sockmonkeyhere - Jul. 14th, 2008 05:47 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mere_ubu - Jul. 14th, 2008 04:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sockmonkeyhere - Jul. 18th, 2008 04:53 am (UTC) - Expand
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