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Crushed Spaiku

Title: Crushed Spaiku
Author: mere_ubu
Length: 527 words/731 syllables
Rating: PG
Pairing: Spike/Buffy
Disclaimer: Spike and Buffy are not mine; I just enjoy stuffing them into tiny boxes.
Summary: 43 Spuffycentric haiku caps from BtVS, S5, "Crush." Twelve parts.

A/N: Written for the Fall 2008 round of seasonal_spuffy. (Original post here.) Shout out to enigmaticblues for keeping that shindig going, and big thank yous as well to Mister Beta for haiku-wrangling and to philips for amoral support. Fabulous banner courtesy of the awesome and generous alwaysjbj.
Feedback is part of a balanced breakfast and also very delicious.


Prologue: Dress

Checks out the new threads,
wishes for a reflection.
Will she notice him?

Not a Success

Scoobies are dancing,
Slayer all undefended . . .
time to make a move.

Reverie disturbed
by uninvited presence
in alien garb.

Fashion disaster:
when lovelorn manpires trip and
fall into The Gap.

Bantam vamp’s banter,
bid for friendship bewilders.
What’s his angle now?


Settle for Less

Spurned, he sublimates—
finds cold, cashmere comfort in
Slayer-themed sex games.


Impress the Lady’s Relations

Bit leans in closer . . .
interview with a vampire.
Spike’s so freaking cool!

Ghoul, interrupted
by bossy big sister who
never learned to knock.

Sits stunned on his tomb,
gallantry unacknowledged.
What’s it gonna take?

Interlude, with Stress

Slayer equation:
crypt plus vampire equals bad.
Clue in, already!

Sisterly lecture
on dangerous ickiness
canceled by bombshell.

Hears the words, but . . . huh?
Frowns in incomprehension.

Resolves to commence
Operation Avoid Spike.
Shouldn’t be too hard.

What’s he playing at,
this undead Eddie Haskell
flattering her mom?

Keep Her Guessing

DeSoto, Ramones,
a flask of bourbon and thou . . .
birds go for that, right?

Surreptitious glance
gives way to naked panic.
Watch the hands, buddy!

Bloke can’t even stretch
without her flippin’ her wig!
Jumpy little thing.

Awkwardness relieved
by persons of interest.
Vamps eat Jiffy Pop?!

Fess Up

Buffy bails, then halts,
arrested by chivalry.
Apprehension dawns.

The late-night stakeout,
the bogus suspects. The flask!
(gulp) Is this a date?

Something between us:
loathing, disgust, heat, desire.
Also? Denial.

Entreats her to stay,
discover how much he’s changed;
he can be good, too.

Years of hurtful jibes
and cleaning up his messes
can’t be overcome.

Suspicions confirmed,
she repels his admission,
crushing fragile hopes.

*Found haiku taken verbatim from episode.



Slinks cryptward to find
someone wants him after all;
old habits die hard.

Useless to pretend
he’ll ever be anything
but death on two legs.



Wary daughter heeds
maternal admonition
against her judgment.

Inner monologue:
it is kind of flattering . . .
gross, Buffy! It’s Spike!

Reels in disbelief
at creep-o shrine’s unveiling.
Are those her panties?!

Run! Do not pass go.
Sorry mom, did all I could—
stops dead in her tracks.

Paralyzing sight:
worn black leather, blood-smeared mouth,
nemesis returned.


Make a Spectacular Mess

Bloody through playing;
no longer be sire’s toy or
Slayer’s punching bag.

Awakens in chains
to florid declarations,
mawkish theatrics.

proofs of devotion lost on
captive audience.

I’m drowning in you.
If she won’t throw him a line,
he’ll drag her under.

She’ll not give a crumb:
neither sliver of slack nor
the barest smidgen.

on mad bitches and torture;
wackiness ensues.



Punches him and leaves
his dignity in tatters,
her shrine in shambles.

Gallops after her,
mouth running faster than legs,
looking for an in.

He said quite enough
during her imprisonment.
Slayer shuts him out.

No happy ending
when the main guy’s all bumpy,
hunchback or vampire.

Unseen barrier
not the only obstacle
he’ll have to surmount.


Epilogue: Undress

Disrobes for the day,
asks her weary reflection:
what is it he sees?


( 27 dropped by — come on in )
Nov. 24th, 2008 08:27 pm (UTC)
Gorgeous work as per usual.

(hugs you)
Nov. 25th, 2008 05:56 am (UTC)
Thank you, darling! *hugs you right back*
Nov. 24th, 2008 10:04 pm (UTC)
Fabulous!! Love your 'Crush' Spaikus when all together or separate.

on mad bitches and torture;
wackiness ensues.

Great melodrama!
Nov. 25th, 2008 06:00 am (UTC)
Aw, thank you so much, Louise! *hugs* I'm glad to know that it holds up to a repeat reading.

Hee! I so love that moment when he loses it and starts ranting. *pets Spike* He's probably about as far from coolness at that point as William is.
Nov. 24th, 2008 10:09 pm (UTC)
This is wonderful.

Egads!! I miss that show.

It's been years. I should be over it by now....
Nov. 25th, 2008 06:03 am (UTC)
Thanks for reading, lady! I'm delighted that you enjoyed them.

I didn't start watching until the series was already over, and I wish I'd been in the fandom during its heyday. *sigh* Such a shiny show!
Nov. 24th, 2008 10:46 pm (UTC)
It's a novel in spaiku!

Poor manpire. He fell into the gap; oh the humanity!
Nov. 25th, 2008 06:15 am (UTC)
*lol* I still don't know how I ended up with so many of the darned things! Now I'm worried that people will point and sneer when I revert back to my usual posting rate of 2-4 haiku every couple of weeks . . .
Nov. 25th, 2008 12:01 am (UTC)
This is fabulous!
Nov. 25th, 2008 06:17 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked them. *whispers* It has this fabulous banner, too. Maybe you've heard of the artist? ;)
Nov. 25th, 2008 01:19 am (UTC)
These are all excellent! My favorite lines are:

interview with a vampire.
Spike’s so freaking cool!

If she won’t throw him a line,
he’ll drag her under.
Nov. 25th, 2008 06:22 am (UTC)
Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed them and the Dawn one in particular; that was my first attempt at Dawn's voice, and it's nice to hear that it worked for you. :D
Nov. 25th, 2008 05:22 am (UTC)
*shakes head* So much awesome.

Again! Again! *claps hands*
Nov. 25th, 2008 06:29 am (UTC)
Heeee! *smooches you* You're gonna make me blush. I'm delighted that you liked this batch; they kinda mushroomed and I almost despaired of corralling the little devils! *g*
Nov. 25th, 2008 07:51 pm (UTC)
I do so love your Spaiku! **claps wildly**

"Crush" is one of my favorite eps! I love watching Spike try to figure things out. He tries so hard to do all the right things and he gets no credit. Makes me just want to take him home and cuddle him.

I much prefer him in his black though. Watching him dress like Riley, Parker, or Xander on a good day is painful; it doesn't match his hair. ;-p

I love the Jiffy Pop comment! I noticed that last night when I re-watched the ep with the kidlet. I kept waiting for the silver dome to explode but that would've broken the dramatic tension.

Good work!
Nov. 26th, 2008 04:04 am (UTC)
Aww, thank you! **bows sheepishly** Heh. I'm so pleased that you liked these, especially since you're coming from the perspective of a very recent re-watching of the ep. Although I can totally see why Spike's actions here shouldn't get him the girl, it's impossible to not feel sympathy for his earnest attempts and wrong-headed flailing. Poor confused guy!

*nods* In a way, the attempt at "normal" dress is somehow worse than the Hawaiian shirt in "Doomed"; at least he protested the sartorial indignity there.

Hee! I have to pause and go off on a little Jiffy Pop tangent every time I watch it. I actually have some around here somewhere, and I need to give in to my nostalgia and make it already.

Happy almost-Turkey Day to you!
Nov. 26th, 2008 04:08 am (UTC)
Logged in!
Your banner is fab,
Your poetry my dessert,
Mere always brings joy.
Nov. 26th, 2008 04:29 am (UTC)
Re: Logged in!
Awwwww. *melts* So sweet you are. <333

And congratulations on scaling the firewalls! I swear, I squee every time I see one of your icons--I've missed them so! (Duh. You too. I'm not just in it for the icons. Not entirely, anyway. Heh. I'll just shut up now.)
May. 2nd, 2009 03:55 pm (UTC)

Your fic(s) have been nominated for Round 9 of the Rogue Poet Awards (http://awards.rogue-poet.com/). This is a relatively small award site, predominantly Spike/Buffy. Nominations for Round 9 will run from April 1, 2009 - May 31, 2009. Winners will be announced on June 30, 2009.

Please feel free to stop by the site. If you have a website/LJ and would like to snag a button to link back to the site - great! If not, that's fine too. They're not necessary to win.

If you do not wish to have your fic(s) included, please reply to this notification stating so, and I will have your nomination(s) removed. If I do not hear back from you, I'll assume that you wish your nomination to stand. In that case, good luck!


Kat & Debs
Rogue Poet Awards
May. 3rd, 2009 04:00 pm (UTC)
Yay! Thanks so much for letting me know, and happy Sunday to you! :D
May. 18th, 2009 06:21 am (UTC)
Nothing mere about
The talent of mere_ubu;
'Tis big and unique.
May. 22nd, 2009 08:44 pm (UTC)
Aw, shucks. Thank you so much, sweetie! You keep writing such flattering senryu and you're going to turn me into a total monster of ego.

Happy Friday to you!
May. 20th, 2009 06:39 am (UTC)
Terrific - NICE image as well
May. 22nd, 2009 08:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed them. always_jbj made the banner, and I'm thrilled to have it! I have zero graphics skills.
Jun. 10th, 2009 09:54 pm (UTC)
Just absolutely cool beans in a cast iron kettle! My oh my, what could you say about home grown tomatoes? Thank you for tweaking these just right and sending them out to share with us. They are unique and twisty--clever the found one.
Jun. 14th, 2009 12:37 am (UTC)
Hee! Thank you very much! I had so much fun with these. Home grown tomatoes, you say? I haven't had the good fortune to come across any yet this summer, but if I'm hit with any tomato-based inspiration, you'll be the first to know. ;)
Jul. 12th, 2011 08:25 pm (UTC)
I don't think I've told you how much I like the Ghoul, interrupted line. It's a pun, it's a cultural reference, it's Spaiku!

Thanks so much for this. There are too many perfect phrases to enumerate here, but I savor every one of them.
( 27 dropped by — come on in )