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Today is the birthday of three lovely LJ ladies: the sassy, Seraph-ic snickfic; fangirl, writer, and incredibly generous commenter brunettepet; and finally, mistress of both the FITB fic and the naughty, naughty limerick, the rabble-rousing rebcake. How could I let such a momentous convergence pass without a little commemorative doll!fic? *narrows eyes* How indeed? Well, I'll tell you exactly how. By putting my trust in a bunch of lazy plastic losers who have forgotten their craft! *wrings hands* Honest to Pete, you try to be a good employer and give some people (vampires--whatever!) a little downtime, and suddenly they can’t be bothered to do things like show up on a set ready to work! *wrings tiny necks* Everybody’s got excuses and obligations! And opinions! Anyway, I don’t know what to do with them. It grieves me to present such an incomplete offering, but let me at least show you what I’ve got so you can see what I’m up against.

I give you Exhibit A: a failed photo shoot for brunettepet. *sniffle* Shot down before I’d even begun to present my concept to the "artist"(as I'm now expected to address him) known as Armless!Angel.

Fine. Like I even need him! He can just go back to gelling his hair with his feet and brooding about his "disability." Ptui! I'm done.

What further disappointments are in store today? Why, let's go over to the set of snickfic's birthday shoot and see! It's the newly paternal SchoolHard!Spike, whose recent reading of Seraph has moved him to adopt an orphaned girlchild from the neighboring Fisher-Price dollhouse family. *whispers* If you ask me, this little experiment can only end in tears. I mean, really, dig the open flame action he's got going here!

*gulp* Well. Blazing candle aside, he seems quite serious about his parenting duties, and I’m not about to antagonize a single parent who’s only had five hours of sleep in the past three days. Let's just give him a little space, okay?

Right, then . . . cruising right on by to my go-to guy: good ol’ wifebeater-wearing Doll!Spike. Surely he can be counted on to bring the doll!fic goods and shake his moneymak---wait. Wait just a ding-danged minute! Where is the cake?! He was supposed to get a cake! *wails* La Reb, she must have ze cake!

Man, you go on hiatus and give someone a little artistic leeway, and they crap all over you!

Well, now. They won't give me a festive birthday shot? I'll show them. *stifled sob* I got options. See?

Okay, so this is a)lame, b)out-of-focus, and c)actually my kid's birthday cake, but sometimes you gotta' take what you can get. If I've come away from this demoralizing experience with nothing else, at least I've learned that. *deep breath* SO, in that jolly spirit, I say . . . HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PET AND SNICK AND DARLING REB!!! My sentiments are no less genuine for their botched execution. I hope that each of you has had a lovely day and that the coming year brings you joy and many good things. (And no bad dolls!) Mwah!


( 29 dropped by — come on in )
Sep. 26th, 2009 01:42 am (UTC)
Hahahahahahahahahaha. Again, you outdo yourself.
Sep. 27th, 2009 05:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I've missed the dolls, even though they clearly haven't missed me at all. I'm going to have to win them back over with pr0n and various kinds of cooking liquor.
Sep. 26th, 2009 02:03 am (UTC)
I love you. And your dolls. And especially the idea of SchoolHard!Spike reading Seraph and adopting a baby! These are all just fantastic. Yay!
Sep. 27th, 2009 05:46 pm (UTC)
Aww, thank you so much! I have to tell you, though, that the baby doll is already missing an arm! I don't think this whole parenting thing is working out so well. Hmmm. Maybe I need to get a Joyce doll! ;)
Sep. 26th, 2009 03:30 am (UTC)
Sep. 27th, 2009 05:51 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I've had doll torturer's block lately, but now that I've flailed my way through this one--and the tiny fang marks on my forearms are beginning to fade--I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about the future of the doll!fic. ;)
Sep. 26th, 2009 03:44 am (UTC)
Awwwww! Wow, I'm all inspirational and stuff. Frankly, I'm just glad doll!Spike didn't feel the need to come bite me with his plastic fangs for knocking up his fictional self. I wish him much joy and a reliable babysitter on his new venture.

*whispers* I love love love it! Aw. I feel so very appreciated on my birthday - thank you!
Sep. 26th, 2009 04:35 pm (UTC)
You are indeed all inspirational and stuff! In the much-more-complete doll scenario in my head, Spike would also have spent some time railing about having to pose for "that bint what knocked me up in the first place," but my reach clearly exceeded my grasp this week.

You can't see it because of the swaddling, but that baby is already missing an arm! I fear that this doesn't bode well for Spike's parenting career. Fortunately, since Doll!Lorne is in retirement and has a lot of time on his hands, he's generously offered to give Spike a little "vampdaddy's day out" a couple of times a week so that he doesn't get too overwhelmed.

You're very welcome! Hope you had a great day. :D

Sep. 26th, 2009 03:53 am (UTC)
Well, at first I thought a *snort* was in order, but it quickly progressed to a hearty *guffaw*, followed by uncontrollable *sniggers*. Ouch. My lumbago!

gelling his hair with his feet! pointy plastic fangs! wait a ding-danged minute!

Oh, lordy! *snerk* It's like you know me! Oh. Wait.

I'd just caution you to remember that old age and treachery beats youth and (idealism, beauty, skill, vigor, take your pick), and those vamps have got plenty of years on any of us. It doesn't surprise me a bit that they'd get all uppity. I have every confidence in your ability to charm them into a more amenable, um, position, next time. Thanks for trying. Personally, I like a fellow with a point of view (and a big candle). ¡Besos!

P.S. My, what attractive chocolate bars your vampire has! (I wasn't able to follow your last link to hilarious chocolate, alas.)

Edited at 2009-09-26 06:15 am (UTC)
Sep. 26th, 2009 04:25 pm (UTC)
Hee! I'm delighted to induce the sniggers and guffaws. It's been such a crazy-ass month around here, but I was dying to play with the dollies for y'all. Choosing a premise of "I don't have to have a premise!" seemed like the only way to work around my mushy brain. In future, though, I can see that I'm going to have to be very careful about how much of the art direction I delegate to the dolls. Little chiselers!

Stoopid Photobucket keeps eating my Eat Me chocolate pic. What the foo? Why would it single this image out as offensive when I have so very many much more inappropriate things in my PB account? *sigh* I may have to commit the sin of hotlinkage. And may I just tell you that most of the chocolate wrappers in your birthday pic have been stuffed with tissue paper & cardboard and taped back together? We've powered our way through most of it now. In fact, Z's chocolate angel food birthday cake [see above] is topped with a bittersweet Scharffen Berger glaze. Yum to the yumth power.

Happy Saturday, dearie! Lovely weekend to you. <333

P.S. Look for a modest package (something Spike would know nothing about!) mid-week.

Edited at 2009-09-26 04:26 pm (UTC)
Sep. 26th, 2009 04:52 am (UTC)
I am laughing so hard. Really, Angel in that fur, Spike with the new baby - inspired! Thanks so much *is a bit drunk from birthday stuff* *scroll up and laughing again*

Sep. 26th, 2009 04:56 am (UTC)
gelling his hair with his feet !!! I can't stop laughing.
Sep. 26th, 2009 04:03 pm (UTC)
Ah, then my work here is done! ;)
Sep. 26th, 2009 04:09 pm (UTC)
Aw, you're very welcome. I was similarly drunkamafied (oh shut up LJ, spellcheck--it's a word if I say it is!) when I read this comment last night, and it made me giggle immoderately. Hope you had a fun evening!
Sep. 26th, 2009 05:26 am (UTC)
Fabulous fun! Teehee!
Sep. 27th, 2009 05:56 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!
Sep. 26th, 2009 09:13 am (UTC)
"points to icon while toppling off chair"
Sep. 27th, 2009 05:57 pm (UTC)
Heee! I can ask for no higher compliment. But don't hurt yourself!
Sep. 26th, 2009 11:12 am (UTC)
You rock so hard.

Though it occurs to me that babysitter!Spike probably only took on the baby so he could get the sofa. Those Fisher-Price folks had better keep a close eye on their TV. Just sayin'...
Sep. 27th, 2009 06:01 pm (UTC)
Awww, thank you! *lol* And you're probably right! He's already taken the laptop and desk--the TV can't be far behind.

[Princess Bride sidenote: I found out last weekend at Z's birthday sleepover that her two best friends had never seen or even heard of The Princess Bride. Quelle horreur! Rest assured that I immediately remedied the sad deficiency.]
Sep. 26th, 2009 01:18 pm (UTC)
Too funny! Doll/Spike has so many toys!!
Sep. 27th, 2009 06:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you! It's a lucky thing that Z. is so generous about letting him borrow her toys. Unfortunately, he's terrible at sharing, so it's always an ordeal to get things back in their proper places. ;)
Sep. 26th, 2009 04:27 pm (UTC)
And the award for Best Sense of Humor in BtVS fandom goes to...

Hee! You are too funny. Where does it come from? Where? You out-do yourself every time.
Oct. 30th, 2009 09:32 pm (UTC)
How am I just now seeing this comment?! *shakes fist* Foo!

Awwwww. *blushes* Thanks much, bb. Glad I could bring the funny! Between you and me, I think it probably comes from all the paint chips and Purina Kitten Chow I ate as a child. I'm open to the possibility, anyway. ;)

May you have a fantastic Friday eve and a slammin' Halloween!
Sep. 27th, 2009 09:46 am (UTC)
Oct. 30th, 2009 09:27 pm (UTC)
Sooo very behind in responding to comments, but I'm delighted that you enjoyed it.

Best wishes for a lovely weekend, Caroline!
Sep. 28th, 2009 09:50 am (UTC)
So, I was following rebcake links to check all her birthday goodies, and I went to see yours again (because it's always better the second time around), and reading the comments I was horrified to see that mine was not there! As it happens, it wasn't there because I actually hadn't written one right away, wishing to write something funny and meaningful and forgetting that "I'm NOT the writer". So here I am: I loved it the first and the second time, wife-beater Spike is the most obscene little doll I've ever seen, daddy Spike have me agree that it's a miracle how well snickfic's Seraph is working--I love it--and finding Angel armless and bunnyfied makes my day every time.
Oct. 30th, 2009 09:26 pm (UTC)
I'm woefully behind on responding to comments, but I'm delighted to hear that you enjoyed it. I, too, continually marvel at how a little piece of plastic can possibly look so lewd. I guess that Spike's sneer is so powerful that it can penetrate (heh) any medium. ;)

Happy Friday to you!
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 30th, 2009 09:23 pm (UTC)
Helllooooo, Calypso!!!!
Hey there, sweetie! *waves back* Hiii! *hugs fiesta* As you've probably guessed, I haven't been around much, either. (Just too much danged busy-ness and not enough me time to get online for any length of time. Poop on it!) I'm thrilled to bits to hear from you, and the prospect of being on the Calypso craft list is very happy-making. Speaking of which, I can't even remember if I told you how much C. adored her little Lafayette. A lot! I was telling folks about him at WriterCon and there was a great deal of envy that anyone might possess such a fabulous thing.

Hope you and your honeys are all doing well and that you have a wonderful Halloween. Mwah!

Edited at 2009-10-30 09:24 pm (UTC)
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